1:12 PM
ponned sch ytd.. actually i can onli vaguely rmbr saying to my mom that i was too tired and then i slept back.. slept A LOT ytd...
did some thinking too.. actually, there's nothing to think abt.. i must accept that im a saint... i must get back on my two feet.. ive already had my fun.. its time... but im so afraid..
the thing is that i still have a choice..
afraid that i wont be myself.. afraid that it will be a repeat of my life in crescent, having pple arnd me yet feeling alone all the time... i dunno.. i guess i got too comfortable in jj where i had close friends, that homely feeling, the culture that truely suited me, the moon...
i miss how sun.. i noe i keep saying that it may seem to lose its meaning.. but i really miss him.. i realised that i was looking at every detail of his face on thurs nite while we were talking and passing down the bags.. as tho i didnt wan to allow myself to take him for granted or to forget his face.. i was super happy when i did with him that handshake and the cheerelading thing.. dammit i forgto the stomping one.. and why did i forget? coz i rmbred one of the sa dance move.. dammit sai...oh ya..i tell u ah.. mira was like "its ok wad.. we can have outside frens".. outside frens sounds so impersonal and distant to me and i dont like it..
i wonder if ill be remembered.. does it matter? yea.. coz i remember everyone.. dang.. i dunno wad im talking abt now.. why didnt i put jj as my second choice? no time for regrets.. i am a saint.. i cant call myself a jjcian.. duhh i cant call myself a jj leader even if i appealed back, i nvr got to go thru with them the hardest times - really being an ogl...
nya nya.. im feeling damn pathetic now.. its just jc mannn!! singapore is so damn small that we can meet each other oneeee.. ok... im just a loyal plus emotional person okayy.. like my commitment level is still damn high even if i dont put in my 100% commitment level.. geddit? ok nvm...
ok if i really minus loyalty, my emotions and my selfishness,
JJ is gd coz its damn near while sa is really damn far,
SA is gd coz they are really gonna push me to study while jj may not,
JJ is gd coz not so religion type while sa is la,
SA is gd coz its more english while jj mandarin la,
JJ's values are gd coz it suits me and is strong while sa like.. ,
SA the facilities are damn new and gd while jj very old and rather pathetic,
JJ the cca gd coz its so noob that i can join but sa not ahh,
SA got name and pple can recognize sa while jj pple will raise one eyebrow,
JJ the structure of the sch very gd coz can see pple and can connect to others coz its small but sa like the buildings separate pple,
SA the place near town (i think), while jj the hang out places very limited to the neighbourhood (but i dont mind actually)
JJ got synthetic field while sa doesnt!,
SA uniform and sch song nicer than jj (lame reason)
JJ the food very cheap compared to sa la..(impt lor!)
SA
JJ
SA
JJ
SA
JJ
........
mondae shall be ddae.. ddae where i shall give sa a chance.. it will be my last dae to make a choice..hmm.. hurry think hidayah!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
me.